


3 Times Sonny and Rafael Came Out + 1 Time Someone Came Out To Them

by LakeYarina



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Family Issues, Found Family, Getting Together, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23640508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LakeYarina/pseuds/LakeYarina
Summary: what the title says! 3 times the boys came out to someone, and one time someone came out to them.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	1. Sonny

**Author's Note:**

> hi y’all! this is the most excited i’ve been about a fic in a long while so please enjoy! tw for homophobic language when amanda is recounting what happened when her and sonny went to interview someone’s parents.

Carisi sighed, putting his pen down and dropping his head into his hand. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Olivia coming out of her office under she was standing over his desk. 

“You okay, Carisi?” She said and he snapped his head back up so quickly he felt his neck pop. He forced a smile. 

“I’m alright, just didn’t sleep much last night. My neighbors have a newborn baby, you know how it is.” Sonny said, Fin giving him a skeptical look. 

“You look like you got hit by a bus.” He said, Olivia chuckling and Amanda giving Sonny a pointed _”I know full and damn well you just lied”_ look. He avoided her eyes, suddenly focusing all of his energy onto the pen he was twirling between his fingers. 

“Well if you’re really alright you can go with Amanda to talk to our vic’s parents and see if they know anything that can help build our case.” Olivia said and walked away. Carisi finally forced himself to look up at Amanda, who mouthed “not my idea” with a sympathetic look before getting up and walking to the elevators, Sonny following. 

The case they were dealing with was to put it lightly, a mess. What they had initially thought was 2 men being beaten up outside a bar for catcalling teenage girls turned out to be 2 gay men being beaten up for the simple act of holding hands in public. After that reveal, the one of the two not still in the hospital had mentioned that his partner’s parents knew their assailants. 

And Carisi was not looking forward to talking with those parents, especially not today.  
-  
Amanda and Carisi walked back into the bullpen, Carisi going straight to the cribs without a word to anyone. Olivia watched him slam the door behind him, turning to Amanda, who for her part looked stressed to the nth degree. 

“I take it he’s not actually alright?” Olivia said, opening the door to her office for Amanda to come in. She closed the door behind her, sitting down on the couch with a sigh 

“So our vic’s parents are massive homophobes.” She started, Olivia getting sense of where this was going. Bless Carisi and his too-big-for-his-body heart. “They said their kid had what happened to them coming, hanging around the ‘sodomites of New York City’. And yeah that was shitty, but our job is to let them talk. And Carisi lost it.” Amanda continued, describing what happened. 

_“You’re really trying to say your kid deserved to be beat nearly to death because he hung out with gay people?”_

_“He is one of them.” The father hissed, the mother putting a hand on his arm in an attempt to restrain him. “If he had simply listened to us and pushed those feelings down he wouldn’t have to deal with people who don’t like that crap! Hell I hardly blame the guy for losing his cool! They’re trying to take over our country, and we just can’t stand idly by.”_

_“So let me get this straight.” Sonny said aggressively, brushing Amanda off when she tried to put a hand on his shoulder._

_“You’re not siding with your child who could have died. You’re siding with the person who did it. Real sad that so many good people can’t have kids but scum like you lucks out.”_

_“Scum? I think the real scum here are the perverts taking over our country and our children’s minds, filling them with lies.”_

_“The scum here is you Mr.Cantusky. And you’re pretty bad too for not even trying to defend your son ma’am.” Carisi continued, “don’t be a mother if you are gonna toss your kids to the wayside for your piece of shit husband.” He said, Amanda jumping in between them when the other man stood up, clearly agitated enough to sock Carisi in the jaw. From there she steered him back to their car, even having to put his seatbelt on for him before she started driving when he was so out of it he forgot. Their entire ride back to the precinct, save for Amanda making two attempts to figure out what was wrong, was silent._

“Wow.” Olivia said, unsure of what else to say. She got up to go check on him, Amanda putting a hand on her arm before she could open the door. 

“Be gentle with him Liv.” She said, Olivia nodding and giving her a sympathetic smile before heading in the direction of the cribs.  
-  
“Hey,” Olivia said as she cracked open the door to just enough to walk in, closing it behind her. Sonny looked up from where he was sitting across the room, giving her a half-hearted sarcastic ‘hey’ in response. Olivia sat down next to him, the detective not meeting her eyes. 

“So Rollins told me what happened with the Cantusky parents.” She started, Sonny sighing. 

“I shouldn’t have yelled at them. You can put me on desk duty, I get it.” He said, his voice cracking as though he was going to burst into tears at any moment. Olivia put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing her thumb in slow circles. She had the done the same thing in her office when he tried to come back to work the day after almost getting shot in the head by Tom Cole, taking about 3 steps into the bullpen before a door slammed and he was on the ground hyperventilating. It hurt her heart to see the detective so upset, and she felt a protective instinct over him similar to how she did her own son. 

“I don’t think putting you on desk duty is going to help if you don’t acknowledge what it was that made you this upset Carisi.” Olivia said softly. That was evidently all Carisi needed to hear for the dam to break, tears pouring down his face as he leaned forward into his hands and sobbed. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Olivia said and took him into her arms, rubbing his back as he cried. He pulled back after a coupe of minutes, taking a deep breathe. Olivia didn’t say anything, looking at him expectantly and allowing him the space to explain without her prodding. 

“I told my family that I uh, that I’m gay last night.” He started, the pieces that had been floating around in Olivia’s head starting to click. The way he reacted to the conversation therapy case just a couple of weeks ago, the way he had been paranoid out of his mind that he was going to get hacked when they were investigating the slimy tech guru, and a million other smaller one off incidents. 

“I was thinking about this case and I realized if, god forbid, something ever happened to me, I didn’t want them to find out from a bunch of detectives or the news.” He continued, biting his lip. 

“And it didn’t go well?” Olivia asked, Sonny shaking his head. 

“My sisters are fine. They knew, I knew they knew. But my parents flipped out and they uh,” He paused as he started to get choked up again, clearing his throat. “...said they don’t want to hear from me again unless it’s to apologize.”

He looked back down as more tears fell down his face, Olivia reaching over to squeeze his hand. 

“I’m so sorry Sonny.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised that parents can be shitty, hell especially working here.” He started,

“But you never want to think your own parents, that you love, are capable of hurting you.” Olivia finished for him when the words seemed to die on his tongue. He looked up at that, remembering hearing from Amanda that Olivia had issues with her family, and realizing she could probably relate more than he was giving her credit for. 

“You have a family here at SVU. I know we can’t replace your biological family, but we still love you. Don’t ever forget that.” She said after they sat in silence for a minute, pulling Sonny into a tight hug. 

“Thanks, thank you.” He said as he pulled back, sniffling and realizing how much of a mess he probably looked. 

“Take your time to come back out, and if you need to go home you can.” Olivia said as she stood back up, giving him a warm smile before walking out and closing the door gently behind her.  
-  
_One Week Later_  


“Oh Rafael are you mad you didn’t think about it first?” Sonny quipped, cocking his head. Olivia stifled a laugh, glad to see Carisi back to his old chirpy self, and Rafael seemed bemused by the use of his first name, which was rare in the precinct, but brushed right on over it. 

“Didn’t have to, Dworkin gave his notice,” He said coolly, Sonny scoffing as Rafael got up, pushing his chair in. “and I have to be in court.” He continued, walking out. 

“That’s why the world hates lawyers.” Sonny said and laughed for a moment before standing up to go back to his desk. He stopped short when he noticed Rafael in front of it, his eyes glued on the rainbow flag he had gotten off of Amazon to stick in his pencil cup. _Was Rafael homophobic?_ Sonny thought. _No, probably not._

_Was he gay?_

“Thought you had to be in court counselor.” Sonny said from behind him, Rafael startling and whipping around. 

“What are you, my mother?” He responded, forcing an eye roll. Sonny just shook his head, sitting down in his swivel chair and looking up at him. 

“Nah, at least I hope you don’t talk to your mother like you talk to me.” He said, a genuine smile gracing Rafael’s face for a fleeting second. But as quickly as they shared a strangely intimate moment, Rafael was walking away without another word. 

“Kick their ass!” Sonny shouted to his back, Rafael raising the arm clutching his files in a half hearted salutation.


	2. Rafael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> general tw for being outed on social media and the feelings that come with that. it has happened to me, and it is not fun

Carisi had spent every moment since catching Barba staring at his rainbow flag racking his brain for anything that jumped out to him as a sign that he was gay. Sure he dressed nicer than most of the straight men he knew, but that meant nothing. His father dressed nicely too and only turned out to be homophobic. 

There was how he seemed to take cases dealing with hate crimes personally, though on the flip side of that people would have to be heartless not to be emotionally effected by the work they did. 

He absentmindedly thought about it as he scrolled through Facebook in the break room, more specifically the ‘NYC Gay Life’ group he had joined recently. But he stopped scrolling when he noticed Barba’s name come onto the screen. Except the post wasn’t by Barba, it was by someday else. 

**Saw that ADA on the news all the time Rafael Barba at Stonewall on Saturday getting hot and heavy with some random twink. Anyone else see him around?**

The text was followed by a series of eye emojis, Sonny doing a double take. So Barba was gay. Unless the poster was lying. He hesitated for a brief moment before clicking into the comments, which matched the tone of the original post. 

**He’s at Stonewall a lot. Can’t say I’ve talked to him though.**

**H U N G. I’ll say that much.**

**He’s so deep in the closet he’s skirting Narnia. Tried to give him a hickey once and he ‘accidentally’ spilled his drink on me and walked off.**

Sonny kept scrolling, starting to feel queasy. So Rafael was gay. But he was also being outed in a Facebook group with 15,000 people in it. 

**Definitely not out. Last time I saw him there he jumped like a bat out of hell every time someone near him opened up their camera. Managed to snag this though.**

Below the comment there was a photo that though dark, was very clearly Barba, and a man Carisi didn’t recognize with his arms around his waist. Barba was wearing a short sleeved button up shirt with most of the buttons undone, and the sleeves tight around his muscles, with snug denim shorts that cut off right at his thighs. If this wasn’t a photo taken by a stranger to out him he would have looked it longer, but he snapped himself out of that mindset, whatever it was, to get up and make a beeline for Olivia’s office. 

“You got a minute?” He said and poked his head in, grateful that there was no one else in there. Olivia nodded and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. 

“Listen, I would tell him but you know him better then I do, so I think he’d rather hear it from you.” He started, Olivia lowering her glasses and giving him a confused look. 

“So I’m in this Facebook group for New York City gay folks, right?” He said as he unlocked his phone. “And I just got on there, to this.” He said and pulled up the post, handing it to Olivia. She did a double take like he had, scrolling through the comments with a sigh before relocking the phone and handing it back. 

“Send me screenshots and I’ll talk to him when he comes in to discuss the case.” She said, shaking her head. 

“I had a feeling, I know him too well,” She started, Sonny raising an eyebrow. “But nobody deserves to be outed like this.” She continued, Sonny giving her a solemn nod before heading back to his desk.  
-  
“Rafa, there’s actually something else I need to talk to you about.” Olivia said when they had wrapped up case talk, giving the rest of the squad a _’without you here’_ look. Sonny tried to mask his emotions and blend in with Amanda and Fin’s confusion, though the look Amanda gave him told him he didn’t pull it off well. 

“You know something we don’t?” She said when the door to Olivia’s office closed behind them, Sonny looking off. 

“You could say that.”  
-  
Rafael sat down across from Olivia’s desk, a pit in his stomach starting to form when he realized how solemn she all of a sudden looked. 

“Someone, who wanted to remain anonymous brought this to my attention and thought it was prudent you see it.” She said as she passed Rafael the folder with the screenshots she had printed out. Rafael flipped through the contents of the folder, the pit in his stomach going rapidly from just forming to making him feel like he was going to vomit. He huffed, closing and tossing it back onto her desk. 

“They’re lying, and that photo isn’t of me.” He said curtly, his voice as tight as the iron grip his hand was forming on his forearm. 

“Oh?” Olivia said, her voice seeping with disbelief. He couldn’t meet her eyes then, training his eyes on the coffee stain on the carpet in front of him. 

“People are pissed about my last verdict, I get it.” He said quietly. “And if they want to get back at me by making up gay rumors so be it.” He continued, biting his lip. Olivia sighed, standing up to come around to the front of her desk and sit on the edge closer to Rafael. Seeing as their last case was an a-typical she said he said rape case, she struggled to see why that verdict would set off the gay community. And Rafael knew that. 

“Rafa you can talk to me, I’m your friend.” She said softly. Rafael sucked in a deep breath, willing himself desperately not to get choked up. Not that Olivia would mind, hell she was one of the very few people who had seen him cry. But that didn’t mean he was okay with it. 

“Maybe they aren’t lying. But I have to Olivia.” He said, his voice cracking on her name. 

“It’s 2017 Rafa, you have less to be afraid of now than ever before. You have me, the squad, your other friends, one of the most accepting city’s in the world.” She went on, Rafael moving his eyes up from the carpet stain to meet hers. 

“And I can keep all of that without going through the trouble of outing myself anymore than some private Facebook group already has.” He said. 

With that it fell silent between them, Rafael getting up to leave after a minute past and he couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but please,” Olivia started, putting a gentle hand on his arm. 

“...take care of yourself.” She said, Rafael forcing a smile and walking out, quickening his pace when he passed Carisi’s desk so he didn’t have to see him or his pencil cup flag.  
-  
Later that day when the squad was called into Rafael’s office to discuss their case, Sonny felt sick with nerves. It wouldn’t take much to deduce that it had been him who sent Olivia the screenshots, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to stand any tension between them. His nervousness came to a head when they were filing out, and Rafael called out for him. 

“Carisi, could you hang back? There’s a bar association event I wanted to talk about.” He said flatly, the rest of the squad already out in the hallway. Sonny closed the door, shoving his hands in his pockets as he turned around. 

“Bar association event? I’m on that email list too and I didn’t-” He started, Rafael cutting him off. 

“I know you’re who showed Olivia the post.” He said, sitting on the edge of his desk and grabbing the file folder, waving it unenthusiastically. 

“Oh.” Sonny said, not sure what else to say. He fidgeted, hesitating before speaking again. 

“So...you’re,” He started, the next word dying on his tongue. 

“Gay, yes. And that post didn’t shock me. It’s not the first time people have tried to, threatened to out me, it won’t be the last.” Rafael said, Sonny raising an eyebrow. He motioned for him to sit in the chair in front of his desk, tapping at his phone before handing it to him, the screen opened to a photo album reading ‘outing threats’. Sonny swiped through the screenshots, many of them the same nature as the comments on the post, but more aggressive and threatening. 

“How long has this been going on?” He said as he handed his phone back. 

“A few months.” Rafael said non-chalantly, Sonny’s mind wandering back to the similar conversation they had had when Rafael revealed he had been receiving death threats over the Terrance Reynolds verdict. Damn Rafael and his inability to allow anyone to be worried him. 

“Why not just come out? They can’t use it as a threat if it’s not a secret.” Sonny said, Rafael scoffing. 

“Not all of us can stick a rainbow flag on our desk and call it a day detective. Some of us have more to lose.” He responded bluntly, Sonny seeing red instantly. He knew Rafael had no way of knowing what happened with his family, but he still didn’t appreciate the assumption. 

“Yeah well I lost my parents so I don’t wanna hear how easy I have it, alright?” He snapped, Rafael’s face dropping. Sonny crossed his arms, turning his gaze on the wall and not meeting the other man’s eyes. 

“I didn’t know.” He said, quieter. Sonny looked back at him, forcing a grim smile and shaking his head. 

“Yeah, you didn’t.” He said passively 

“I had to fight like hell to get here. To have this.” Rafael started after a beat of silence, putting a hand on his desk top name placard. “It was hard enough to without the extra stress of being an out gay man.” He said, Sonny disheartened to hear such a somber tone in Rafael’s voice. But just a few weeks ago, he imagined he sounded the same way when he was weighing the risks of coming out with one of his friends from Fordham. 

“It’s 2017 Barba, if someone really thinks you’re a bad lawyer because you’re gay they’re out of their mind. You’re the best this city has, by a long shot.” He said, trying to keep his tone light. He felt slightly embarrassed, as he hadn’t paid the other man such a compliment such he was shadowing him. Rafael didn’t seem to mind it though, looking down with a small smile. 

“Anyways, if you’ve been getting threats like this do you really think continuing to go out, without being out, is smart?” Sonny said after a beat of silence, Rafael giving a shrug. 

“Not everything done in the dark is shameful.” He said, Sonny nodding. He heard Rafael saw that before, and realized it had insinuated more than he originally thought it did. 

“That guy in the photo a boyfriend?” He asked, kicking myself for asking it outloud instead of keeping the question that had been eating at him since he saw said photo in his head. Rafael laughed for the first time since Carisi had closed his office door, rolling his eyes. 

“Not that it’s your business, but no. Risk assessment, flings that most of the time don’t even know my last name are less of a threat than a serious partner. And besides, most people don’t want a partner that isn’t out.” He said, Sonny biting his lip. _I wouldn’t mind. Coming out is hard._ He thought, but didn’t verbalize. 

“Well I gotta go but, uh” Sonny started as he stood up, pushing his chair in and trying to work up the nerve to say what he had been wanting to ask him, in some form or another, for longer than he would have liked to admit. _Now or never kid_

“If you plan on going back to Stonewall and want a plus one to you know, keep watch for creeps with cameras,“ Sonny rushed out, Rafael raising an eyebrow pedantically. “You have my number.” He finished. Sonny swore he could see the slightest twinge of red come into Rafael’s check, and was sure his own were bright. 

“I like to think I can hold my own,” Rafael said, noticing how Carisi’s rapidly flushing face fell. “But I’ll remember that.” He added with a smile, Carisi perking up and lingering for another moment before giving an awkward “Great, great! See ya later counselor.” and rushing out.  
-  
_The Following Friday_

“After they lied to us and obfuscated our investigation.” Sonny said in response to Rafael’s questioning of his suggestion. They, plus Fin and Olivia were currently in her office discussing the Karr investigation. While Carisi had expected his masked-as-concern date invite towards Barba to make things awkward between them, he was thrilled that they hadn’t. Though there was tension, it wasn’t awkward. It was a different kind of tension Carisi couldn’t quite place. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. 

“Obfuscate? Yummy.” Rafael responded, leaning back in his seat. Sonny pulled his eyebrows together, giving the other man a look that could best be labeled as _wait, what?_ , and trying to hide how flustered he was when Olivia shot them both a look. 

“Well hold on now Rafa,” She said and got the group back onto the topic of the case, though Sonny wasn’t sure of what she was saying, as he was still focusing on Rafael. _That was flirting. That was definitely flirting. Right?_

When they were done he tried to get out of the room and back to his desk as fast as possible, stopping when he felt Rafael put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Walk with me?” He said and motioned towards the elevator. He didn’t have to go anywhere, but followed Rafael into the elevator anyways, taking note of how he pressed the ‘close door button’ with urgency, apparently not wanting anyone else to get on with them. 

“I’m going back to Stonewall tonight.” He started when the door finally closed, biting his lip. Sonny felt a rush of adrenaline surge through him, turning to face Rafael and making a note of how sweet he looked when he was nervous, a rare site in the time they had known each other. 

“Yeah?”

“If your offer to come as plus one still stands, you’re welcome to come.” Rafael said, “...to ward off the creeps with cameras, as you said.” He continued with a small smirk, Sonny opening and closing his mouth like a guppy fish before finding his words. 

“I’ll meet you outside, say around 11 sound alright?” He said, trying to keep his tone even and not seem as eager as he was, the elevator doors starting to open again. 

“I’ll be there.” Rafael said as he got off. Sonny watching him walk away before deciding he wanted to bring up what had happened in Olivia’s office, squeezing through the doors as they were about to close and jogging to catch up with Rafael. 

“Hey no, wait one second.” He called, the other man turning around. Sonny took a few steps closer to him, lowering his voice. 

“Yummy, really?” He said, cocking an eyebrow. Rafael only smirked, giving him a small shrug. 

“See you tonight Dominick.” He said and gave his arm a squeeze before turning and walking out of the building. 

_Dominick?_

Sonny normally hated when people called him Dominick. But with Rafael, somehow, like most things when it came to the ADA, it felt different. A good type of different.   
-  
Though Rafael he felt a small pang of fear when he woke up the next morning to the other man wrapped around him like koala, he pushed it aside for the time being, taking solace in the rise and fall of Sonny’s bare chest against his own as he willed himself back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be a bit of time jump and rafael & sonny coming out as a couple to lucia. i live for your comments! don’t forget to watch the show tonight!

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter is rafa, 3rd chapter is them coming out as a couple to someone, and 4th chapter will be someone (to be disclosed (;) coming out to them. i live for comments! also pls come chat with me on twitter @fourdayshome!!!


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